Don't you just LOVE online translators?
I've included this article just for a laugh. I found it on the internet in
Spanish and used an online translator to render it into English. The final product just cracks me up - Mal
Dave Courtney takes the shaved head completely, shines to the neck a heavy gold chain and dresses an impeccable combined black suit in a starched white
Its appearance is so perfect that it seems of film, a bad one of mentirijilla. But it is truth: this type of 42 years and Profidén smile has killed, extorted, stabbed, beaten and robbed. It is to gánster authentic. One of the members of the Company/signature, the equivalent Briton of the Italian Mafia.
"Good, no longer I am to gánster", nothing else clarifies Courtney to begin to speak. "When you are it you cannot go by the life calling the attention, it is not possible to be a star. You must try to happen most unnoticed than you can. And, sincerely, to me that does not go to me. The truth is that what I always have wished to be is what I am now, an ex- ones gánster, thus to be able to speak openly of everything what I have done. In any profession, if one makes well its work, if it is soccer player and puts a good goal, if he is architect and it raises an incredible building, likes to be able to announce it to four winds. But when you are an affluent criminal and beams your work, you must yourself bite the language, you cannot go that way being conceited of which have been you who have given such-and-such blow. But to me, when I do something well, I it likes that people know it. And the only way to be able to do it was retiring to me of the active criminal life ".
Courtney so gentile and is considered that, before igniting pitillo, it asks: "it bothers to Him if I smoke". Immediately afterwards, it begins to relate, between whiff and whiff of nicotine, some of his feats. "Yes, I killed a man and I do not regret it. The type wanted to kill me to me. The truth, was an enormous luck to be able to know it beforehand. when somebody wants to you to eliminate, you do not find out generally to you until you hear the boom of the shot in your head. But I had the luck of knowing early that the type walked looking for to me. In a situation thus, you only can make three things: to flee (and that one is not my style), to say so that it fails the firing (it is not that one my style either) or adelantarte to him. And that is what I did. I prepared a good alibi, I left in his looks for, I found him, I shot to him and it kills to him ' ". The self-confidence with which it speaks of his blows is amazing "What you want that it says to you? I do not regret to have killed, although I do not feel either proud. But the type that one was an assassin and it wanted to me to eliminate. If she returned to happen, she would do the same, return to kill it ", she says while she gathers of the ground a doll of peluche that her small daughter has left wire drawing.
"What you want that it says to you? I do not regret to have killed, although I do not feel either proud. But the type that was an assassin and it wanted to me to eliminate. If it returned to happen, would return to kill it "
But most hallucinating it is than, protected in the own British judicial system, Dave Courtney it can be telling to the entire world that it has killed a man without the weight of the law falls on him. "they already judged me by that crime once and they declared innocent", affirms to me with a satisfaction smile. "When, after the murder, the police came and it asked to me if the person in charge of that death had been I, she could have said perfectly that no, that she had not been I. But as I am that insolent I said to him to pasma: ` Yes, clear that I have killed him yó. They judged to me but, already I say to you, the crime had prepared me very well and they declared innocent to me. As in this country they cannot judge to you twice by the same crime, now already I can say it with all tranquillity: I did ".
The only death is not this one that Courtney takes on its conscience. "Also I loaded myself to another type in Holland", admits without the minimum pregnancy. And, after giving a last one him I suck to its tea cup, is arranged to narrate more of its adventures. "I went to Holland accompanying to a head with much money that it had to make certain transaction there. Nothing else to arrive at Holland I smelled myself that something walked bad. I try to stay night watchman, still more when work, and I do not like to pass with the alcohol nor volume to me drugs, but the types these of Holland were trying to emborrachar to the head, come to give him to drink, come to take to him to women and the more women, which of entrance seemed to me enough suspect. My head had to carry out a payment by the shipment from certain merchandise to a third country, but before loosen the paste she needed to receive a call of his partners confirming to him that the sort had arrived. We received the call, with the key that it indicated that everything had come out well, but after all the previous one, already knew that there there was locked up cat. I said it to the head in front of the others, I said to him that something went bad. Then, one of them removed a pistol and shot against my head, and the wall that was right behind him filled of blood and rest of brain ". Courtney makes a strategic pause and continues. "Then, the type returned the weapon against me, but I hoped and shot to him before. He was an uncle of about 40 years, I castrate of the cocaine that lived in Holland and that was put in quite dirty businesses: it did snuff thus movies (films that contain real tortures and murders) and things. It was not a good subject. Most incredible it is than memory perfectly how, just at the moment before shooting to him, pense ': ` One of us is not going to see its wife this noché. Not even I know if menda that had or nonwife, but is what I thought. In shooting a weapon only one fraction of second takes, but I swear you that to which grasps the pistol that moment to him becomes eternal. You see everything it like in a film slow motion".
Only once, in his long criminal career, this gánster of cold blue glance it has been condemned by some of the very many crimes that have committed. "It happened a Nochevieja many ago, many years", remembers Courtney with his voice cracked by the tobacco, the alcohol and the excesses of the nocturnal life. "My small brother entered a Chinese restaurant and made an order of food for ten people. After awhile, a waiter brought to him what he had solicitd, but served in plates. My brother indicated to him then that the order was to take. But the waiter answered to him that in Nochevieja they did not accept orders stops outside the restaurant. He, who only was 14 years old, logically refused to pay by the food and, then, five Chinese waiters undertook it to blows against him. When he was able to get away of them, he went to look for me the pub and he told me what it had happened. Me I did not think it twice and I directed myself quickly to the Chinese restaurant ", counts in plan avenging hero.
"It went single and I entered the premises without knowing to how many men were going to me to face", he continues. "There was a pair of waiters, chef, a cook... One of them was faced to me with an enormous knife in the hand, and other it threatened to me a boiling oil frying pan. As of that moment, everything passed for me to slow motion. It was like a film of slowed down action, even could listen to music. I faced first a the type of the frying pan, that ended up turning upside down on itself the oil. Soon I saw me with the one of the knife, to which I snatched the weapon, returning it against him and the other Chinese which they tried to attack to me. Three years and six months of jail by that night fell to me ".
"there has been nobody so straight, so no afraid of God nor so opposed the crime as my father and my mother. And you already see how I left to them. They were desperate with me, but it could not do nothing "
Dave Courtney is convinced that, genetically, it was predestined to leave the straight way of the honesty. "you do not hope of me that it tells you that I became gánster because in my district there were no green zones, because the class of my school was amassed, because my parents were poor... No. He is something that you take inside. The same it happens with the women. If you are a vixen, it gives just as you work in stock-market or that you are waiter of a nocturnal club: a vixen is a vixen. It gives equal how Vista, does not matter if pija speaks like one or in plan macarra. I was born bad. Nothing would have changed if my parents had been rich or if he had dedicated to me to any other work: of to have been police, he would have been one cabrón, to me to have gained the life like soccer player, he would have been of whom stick kicks on the contrary when the referee does not watch. It does not depend on the education: there has been nobody so straight, so no afraid of God nor so opposed the crime as my father and my mother. And you already see how I left to them. They were desperate with me and I felt very badly knowing that they suffered by my fault. But he could not do nothing ", says shrinking of shoulders.
He, nevertheless, apechuga until the last consequences with its determinist thesis. Twice married and father of six creatures, it assures that it would not have disadvantage in which some of its children was dedicated to the crime. "it would not matter to me but, of course, it would surprise to me. My children are the less propitious children to become gánsteres that there is in the world. The children of that gentleman of opposite must think that the life of gánster is exciting, but my children really know how he is. They have seen wounded me, in the jail, seated in the prisoners' dock, have seen how they gave a beating me, have seen cry to his mother... I do not have to say how it is the life of gánster, they to them already know it. But, as I create firmly that one is born good or bad, if saw that some has a special inclination towards the crime, which of course would not do would be to waste the time saying to him that it did not put in that world. And, once one became to gánster, he would request to him that he was the best one, than made his work with honor, dignity, ethics and with class ", he concludes altering the neck of the jacket.
Doing of Robin Hood.
Of course, it considers that he was a nobleman and worthy example of his profession. "I began receiving debts, a work that, the truth, seems very easy to me to very justify, because it has a very romantic slope, the Robin Hood. Imagínate: a type borrows to him to another one a money, we put 80 million pesetas, and soon it does not give back them. The one that loosen the money goes to me and it offers 26 million to me if with himself to recover the 80 that must to him. What it does to him to the subject that does not pay the paste has it deserved by thief, not to give back the money that has borrowed. It went in the beginning of door in door by the houses of the weak people, remembering to them to puńetazos that had a pending debt. Thanks to my wife, I learned to being readier. Instead of rolling to guantazos and to shouts, it hoped to that the subject that had the debt put in the bed next to its woman and it remained slept. Then, to four of the dawn, it strained to me in his house, it approached me his bed, it woke up to him and it explained to him, in low voice and of educated form, that if the money did not pay that had, would return to me to see and that the things were not going to be then so smooth. The immense majority of the times, the woman of the type was put to shout histérica asking to him its husband who paid to me once and for all ", Courtney vainglory loosen an enormous guffaw.