To Police regarding property they "borrowed" from Dave

Thursday 19th July 2001. 
" Hello Chaps,

Firstly, Thanks very much for letting me have the property back, even though you dropped it to Ralfs for some strange reason, and i must admit you never seem to amaze me, why you took what you took from my house? 

My old school detentions. Ten to fifthteen year old prison letters, and My Mohumed Ali and Winston Churchill book collections, and your choice of photos was strange as well. All the films you destroyed pissed me off a bit as they weren't developed yet. But know big deal. Surprise Surprise! The tapes and photos that i needed weren't among the property i received, but it wasn't me who brought them in so i guess he'll have to pay to get them back himself.

Secondly, I don't think it's right for The High Courts to give you all my correspondence and also give you pre-warning of how i intended to proceed with my case i had against you. I know you've covered yourself by saying i'm still under investigation and can't comment on it in case you prejudice an ongoing investigation. Once more, all the doors closed! 

I am fully aware of the new wave of attack you have launched on me and my friends with The Inland Revenue, you know better than anyone in the world that I'm fucking skint. Front magazine and the Rates people, too name are a few of the people who's told me your investigating me and my friends.

If it's because i said the film cost a million and that i paid for it that's just publicity! It cost me fuck all really, favours made that film. Also The High Courts told me that your not even aware that i put a Writ in to court over your antics, and you never did reply to the allegations in the time you were supposed to.

Once more all the doors closed, and The One Rule For You, and One Rule For Them, came into play again. 

And i know by the amount of letters I've sent you letting you know what my full intension's were all the way through the whole thing, and that you were fully aware of what was happening but just found an excuse to ignore me. Legally! 

Just like everybody else has from the very beginning of all this, it's far too unbelievable to try and explain to everyone just how high up it all goes when you all wanna pull ranks and utilise resources to manipulate certain events to fall favourable for yourselves. Very frightening! Especially knowing you aint finished with me yet. I feel as if it's still a race between how quick i can get out of the country, you sending The man in the helmet, or you conjuring up something else for me. I really do. 

As you could imagine i got no response from Austin when i asked him to be a wittiness for me against you, but it was worth a try, weren't it? [ Ha ha ha, ] I No, I No. Cheeky Cunt! lam [Ha ha ha, ] If you fancy a couple of tickets for my televised Audience With on Sunday just ring us and I'll leave ya a couple at the door. You don't need a disguise I've forgot ya already. For the time being, till round 2 .

Everything's going so fucking well for me at the moment, I'm just walking round looking for that kick in the bullocks that always comes, but i know in which direction it's coming for me, don't i ? [ Ha ha ha ] I've got me protectors on already. I've asked The High Courts to send back my letters for proof that i tried, you know, and I'm expecting them to try your little trick of losing them, as you, without grinning said under oath in court. No-one thought it was strange. So who am i to complain ? I've also learnt that you intend to fuck It up for me abroad some how. Popularity and financially wise. I'm bang on with my information, aint i ? [ Ha ha ha. ] Just an anonymous caller tipped me off. You know the ones. I've also heard you've seen the film, so out of ten what would you give it ? Wicked init? It's being claimed as a Cult Classic, All Rowdy, whatever the fuck that means i just hope it's a Cult Fucking Classic that 
earns a few quid and sharpish coz I'm sinking fast. 

Well I'm away to bed now writing to you makes me feel really homy as it happens. Sorry! 

Until our paths cross again, i bid you good day sir. 





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