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2nd DECEMBER 2002

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Christmas Message from Dave

Hello you lot!

Here's a picture of me tooled up waiting for Santa - I'm not having that dirty bastard coming down MY chimney: why can't he have a wank at home like everyone else instead of doing it on rooftops!

Thanks to everyone for the messages and I'm back on the mend now big time. I'm healthy enough to kick a Jehovah's Witness up the arse.

'THE RIDE'S BACK ON' is doing blinding, and as you can see from the pics I'd forgotten just how fucking funny it is (see Gallery 6)! The bookshops sold out to begin with because of the initial rush - but now they're well stocked up again for the next rush of Christmas prezzie book tokens. Apparently it's a neck and neck popularity race between me, Jamie Oliver, and Delia Smith. Yeah, I'm in a celebrity chef sandwich as the filling! Wait till they get a load of my next video - 'Lock, Gravy Stock & Two Fried Chefs'

Have a blindin' new year

And if you can't be good at least be good at being bad.

DAVE

ps I'm STILL waiting for someone to tell me - Kamikazi pilots...why the fuck did they wear crash helmets anyway?

So, I suppose you're wondering what's happening in Dave's life?

Well, first off, Dave is having a portrait done. But, Dave being Dave, you wouldn't expect this to be just any old ordinary portrait with paint and stuff. He's gone and commissioned the very talented religious artifacts restorer, Pierre Antis, to produce a life size portrait of him ..... in GOLD! Yeah, that's right REAL GOLD! And to top it off there will be real diamonds in his bracelet and earrings. The work's being carried out at the famous Tardis Studios, Clerkenwell, London.

Will you be able take a gander at this work of art? You betcha! Dave says he is going to exhibit the portrait in a London Gallery some time in the New Year. Of course, we'll let you know where and when as soon as the details are confirmed.

17th December
Dave paid a visit to his very good friends Rudi, Guy and Agent No 10 down at Barry Island. He says "I had a disgustingly rude evening with strippers they'd set up at a gentleman's night at U2 on the sea front (with the gym above). I did a little chat and that and I had a good look around the audience. I thought: if the Devil cast 'is fuckin' net out there on that night it would 'ave sorted out all Wales' crime problems in one fuckin' day."

Dave added "I'd just like to say a very big THANK YOU VERY MUCH to the chaps for a fuckin' lovely evening."

18th December
Dave went straight from Barry Island to a Celebrity Party Night at Caesars Night Club (156-160 Streatham Hill, London, SW2), where he met up with Jen and Brendan. Dave reports that they had a "fuckin' blindin' time". Of course, Dave was asked up on stage to give it some of that and tell some of his "interesting" stories. There's a first hand report of the evening with some excellent photos over on knuckleduster.org if you'd like to check it out. Dave tells us that both the BBC and Sky were there filming, so we'll let you know (as soon as we know) when the footage is to be transmitted.

20th December
The PlayStation2 mag "PSi2" hit the streets with a seven page article by and about Dave. In it Dave extols the virtues of the Sony wonder,  stating: "PlayStation2 is the biggest lifesaver in Her Majesty's Prisons. Everyone inside has got one and they stop a lot of people banging their heads against the wall."

The article includes a two page review by Dave of "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City" (set in 80s USA) and "The Getaway" (based in modern day London around a former Gangster - ring any bells?).

This is followed by a three page interview with Dave with some superb photos (see right) and dozens of facts about the man from his own mouth.

In the article Dave reveals that he's working on a couple of new films: "Get Courtney" and another (unnamed) which is filmed half in Scilly (do they mean Sicilly?) and half in England.

This mag is a must-have for all Courtney fans, and at 3.99 it's an absolute steal. So go out there and get yourself one before they're all gone, 'cos they're selling like hot cars ... errrr ... hot cakes - Mal.

We'll have a lot more from Dave very soon.

 

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