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2nd JANUARY 2003

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An Unexpected Surprise from Dave

So, it's two o'clock on Friday afternoon and I'm on the phone to Dave for a Christmas story for the Diary Page.

"Christmas day?" said Dave "Stayed at home with the family, Mal. Mind you, it was like King's Cross fucking Station here. I must have had over a hundred people in and out through me door."

"So, nothing special going on then?" I asked.

"Well, we did go out into the garden and light a bonfire a bit later on, just to roast some chestnuts and that, but we ended up setting light to the fucking tree. Had to call the fucking fire brigade out! Two tenders turned up and they did the business and then asked me and Jen if we'd like to go to their party tonight."

There was a moment's pause, then he let me have it: "Oi, Mal, is there anything stopping you jumping in your motor and driving over to my place and coming to the party with us? It'll just be me, Jen, Bren and a couple of the chaps. Come on, it's only three or four hours in the car."

175 miles later I was sitting on Dave's settee at Camelot Castle, chatting with Dave about the website and other things, while I munched on a ham sandwich that Jen had thoughtfully made for me.

Dave and his fire engineAt a quarter to nine our lift turned up. I went outside to be greeted by a big, red fuck-off fire engine. Jenny, Brendan, John-Paul (some film producer) and me loaded ourselves on, Dave got into the front and off we went.

We pulled up at "The North Pole", Greenwich with blue lights flashing, sirens blaring - the works! It got a lot of attention from everyone and word very quickly went round that Dave had arrived. The doormen parted the sea of heaving humanity inside and we were ushered across the floor and downstairs to where the party was already in full flow.

Dave and Jen .... Awwwww, ain't love grand?And what a night we had. I will swear that not a moment went by when someone wasn't being introduced to Dave or making themselves known to him. There were some very enormous geezers paying their respects to the Man. Anyway, he was kept well busy, but he had a whole barrel of fun doing it. When the girl came into the club selling the "roses for charity" Dave bought the lot and presented them to his Jen. What a class geezer. By the end of the evening the roses had been redistributed, -la Robin Hood, to most of the ladies at the party.


Mac and girlfriendAmong all the many really nice people I met were Mac and his girlfriend. Mac, I am reliably informed, is one of the top male-strippers in the country with The Chippendales and goes under the name Mac Attack. Mac and fellow Chippendale Chico are in Dave's film  "Hell to Pay", playing ... you guessed it ... male strippers. Now, while I have to admit that Mac is a very good looking guy, I have got to say his lady is a real stunner. Strangely enough, when I later reviewed all the photos I took during the evening, she featured very frequently! I was obviously studying her sublime cheekbone structure more than I realised.

Dave was in the chair and no amount of insistence would he let me buy a round of drinks. In the end I had to wait for him to disappear out of the room and take my chances at the bar. I'm not gonna tell you how much that round cost, but it was getting on for a week's jobseeker's allowance.

Dave holds court ... that's Brendan on the right.Well, the night progressed, the drinks continued to flow and a lot of fun was had. Dave seemed to hold impromptu court wherever he stood (not sure about in the "Gents", 'cos we were never in there at the same time) and lots of nosy people wanted to know who I was: they'd seen me arrive with Dave, Jen and that; they'd seen us all together for much of the night; so I must be important, right? (Jen told me the next morning that she'd been asked by several people if I was Dave's "minder". Me?!?!?!?! They're 'avin' a larf!)



Amanda ... and I didn't even get her phone number!And just to show that alcohol makes right prats of us all, towards the end of the night this very attractive young lady called Amanda sidled up to me and asked: "So, what are you to do with Dave?"

"I'm his webmaster " I replied.

"What the fuck's one of them?" she asked and I just waved her goodbye without even thinking. Talk about stoopid (me not her!!!!!!)


Your carriage awaits, Mr. CourtneyAt around half past two the place was almost cleared out and we left the club to be greeted by our fire engine, which had very kindly come back to take us all home. I know you'll understand when I say that I don't remember a whole lot of the drive back, but I fell asleep on Dave's settee shortly after three and didn't come round until ten with a large graze on my forehead, which I just about remember happened as a result of tripping over a Bren-gun (don't ask!).


And the icing on the cake? Before I left Camelot Castle, Dave thanked me for coming and said he'd enjoyed my company. Whether he had or he hadn't, that was the nicest thing he could have said.

I know you expect the diary to be written by Dave himself, but right now he really isn't up to it and asked me to express his sincerest apologies. A car crash like he had takes a whole lot of recovering from - and he's still recovering. For those who don't know the man personally, I hope this piece will give you a little insight into the sort of person he is: charming, considerate and a right fucking laugh!


We will have more from Dave very soon - promise.

Oh, by the way, there are a dozen photos from the Firemen's party on Gallery 6




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